Life-Force
by XanthePart 1
The planet of Irudan was nothing but a giant dustbowl. Nothing grew here, and the only movement was the wild flurrying of the light, grainy soil as the wind ripped through it. Obi-Wan landed his small ship somewhat clumsily, thinking wistfully that Anakin had made a much better landing on their last trip here. There was no space-port on this world, nothing but one old hut, wherein lived the strange Azhari woman - the last representative of her race, or so she claimed. Obi-Wan wasn't so sure. He sensed she didn't lie, but then again, neither did she speak the whole truth.
Obi-Wan covered his face with the corner of his robe, lowered the ramp, and walked out into the dust storm. He ran towards the hut, and found the door open, and the woman waiting for him.
"Obi-Wan." She didn't seem surprised to see him. He felt she should be. It had surprised him that he had decided to return to this place.
"Azhari." He bowed. He thought it strange that she chose to call herself by the name of her race, and he wondered again at the mystery of her people. She smiled at him, her deep grey eyes calm and clear. "You were expecting me." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Yes, Obi-Wan. You have not been at peace since you found me here last year. I knew you would return. Here, let me take your cloak."
"At peace..." Obi-Wan mused, handing her his cloak, and crouching for a moment beside her fire. "No, Honored Azhari, I think that it has been many years since I knew peace."
"Agreed." Azhari hung up his cloak, and poured him a glass of water from a large pitcher. Obi-Wan had no idea where she found food and water on this arid desert. How did she manage to survive on such an inhospitable world? He had asked her this question once, and she had merely smiled, and replied that the Azhari were a resourceful people.
They were silent for a long while. Obi-Wan gazed into the fire, and Azhari gazed at Obi-Wan. After many long hours, the woman spoke.
"You have come here seeking the Gate."
Obi-Wan hesitated. Was that why he was here? Objectively he knew that it was, that it had to be, but why? He had so much in this universe - the fellowship of his Jedi comrades, the friendship of his brilliant young padawan, and yet...
"You miss him still." Azhari murmured.
Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "How did you...?" He began, then shook his head. "He was my everything. I find I miss him more, not less with each day that passes."
"I understand. It was thus with me, when my people died." Azhari said, her clear, deep voice, echoing like a mellow flute in the small hut.
"To lose a whole race..." Obi-Wan could not begin to conceive of her loss.
"To lose one, or many...grief is grief." Azhari shook her head.
"It's been seven years." Obi-Wan got to his feet angrily. "I'm a Jedi - I should be able to move beyond my own feelings."
"You can, and you do. From what I see, you do very well, Master Kenobi." Azhari told him.
Her blonde hair shone in the firelight. She wasn't beautiful, but there was an ageless, timeless quality to her. He couldn't begin to guess how old she was. She had, he sensed, always been here, always this age, since the universe began, and she would always be here, unchanging, until it ended. It was a mystery he could not hope to understand.
"You and Qui-Gon were pair bonded, a fusion of flesh and spirit so deep as to form one being. No wonder you still mourn his loss, Obi-Wan," she murmured softly.
"Yes." Obi-Wan plucked sadly at the hem of his tunic, remembering his master, the feel of the other man's long hair beneath his fingers, and the exquisite sensation of his master's lean, powerful body moving against his as they made love. He could hear Qui-Gon's voice whispering to him in the privacy of their rooms, speaking of a love more true than either of them had ever hoped to know.
"You're lonely." Azhari gently stroked his hair, and he looked up into her eyes and saw himself reflected in them - lost and sad.
"Yes. People tell me there will be others, that I'm young, that I should look for someone else, but..."
"Nobody is like Qui-Gon," she finished for him.
"How could they be?" He asked in despair. "He was a good man, the best. How could I ever find another with a heart as noble and true?"
"Ah." Azhari held his head between her pale fingers, and he trembled at the power of the force within her. This was not his force though, nor any power he knew or understood - it was something utterly different, completely alien, and it made him feel dizzy. "There are many worlds out there, Obi-Wan. Many times, many places, and many people. I'm sure there must be one person with as good a heart as your lost love."
He knew she was mocking him, although her tone was gentle. "Maybe." Obi-Wan didn't want to hear her words.
"I seem to recall also that Master Jinn was an obstinate man, and headstrong. Wilful and sometimes lacking in the proper attention to his masters," she murmured, a wry smile playing around her lips.
Obi-Wan looked up angrily, then had to laugh. "I agree he wasn't perfect," he acknowledged, "but I loved him."
"And can you truly find no purpose in your life since he died?" She asked him. "What of your padawan?"
"Anakin? He's very much his own person. At his age I followed my master around like a puppy, but Anakin can't wait to be free of me."
"That's not true," Azhari reprimanded gently. "He is a free spirit that one." Her eyes became dreamy for a moment, and she gazed into space for several seconds. "Someone will tame him," she murmured, stoking the fire, "but it will not be you, Obi-Wan."
"I wouldn't want to!" Obi-Wan retorted. "That isn't the Jedi way."
"No." Azhari gave a sad smile. "Where is your young apprentice now?"
"Visiting his friend, the Queen Amidala." Obi-Wan shrugged. "It does us both good to have a few weeks apart each year, and he always goes eagerly enough."
"I see - and you are at a loose end." Azhari observed.
"I want my own destiny!" Obi-Wan cried. "I agreed to train Anakin because my master laid an oath upon me, but the boy doesn't need me any more. Master Yoda could finish his training. I need, I want...to find myself again."
"And you thought to use the Gate to do that?" Azhari asked. Obi-Wan looked up. Had he been that transparent? "I warned you when you were here before - the Gate is not to be used lightly." Azhari's voice was firm. "Many of those who go, never return."
There was silence for a moment, then Obi-Wan looked up and said what was in his heart.
"I'm not sure that I want to return."
Azhari shook her head. "I'm not convinced, Master Kenobi. Those who use the Gate out of grief, or to escape their sorrows, rarely find what they seek. Sorrow and grief go with you, wherever you journey."
"Please..." Obi-Wan was surprised by the force of his plea. "I'll take my chances, Azhari, but please, please let me go."
"The Gate has been here since the beginning of time, and will be here until the end - and beyond." Azhari said the words as if intoning a prayer. "I could not sanction its misuse. Only the pure of heart may pass through."
"You find me lacking?" Obi-Wan asked.
"No." Azhari shrugged. "Listen to me though, Obi-Wan. This galaxy is a huge place - there is so much in the here and now that you haven't explored. Why do you think that you would fare better throwing yourself into the unknown? I have no control over your destination - you could literally end up anywhere."
"I know." Obi-Wan assured her.
"And anywhen," she emphasised.
His eyes widened, and he knew that she saw what he had tried to keep secret since his arrival - the hope he had kept in his heart since he and Anakin had discovered this planet and its mysterious Gateway months ago.
"Oh, Obi-Wan! It is unlikely you'll find your master in the past!" Azhari exclaimed, her gray eyes glowing in distress.
"But I can feel it!" Obi-Wan got up excitedly, and paced around. " Before I came into Qui-Gon's life there were decades when he was alone. I could find him then, when he was young. We could be together in the past, as we cannot be in the present."
"Obi-Wan." Azhari raised her hand. "It's not likely, my dear."
"But worth a try," Obi-Wan insisted stubbornly.
"To give up your life here, to abandon your oath, and your padawan, and chase a hope borne out of grief and loneliness?" Azhari chided gently.
"Yes!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "You do not know what Qui-Gon meant to me!"
"I think I do."
"And you said before - that if someone is truly pure of heart, if they go through the Gate full of hope for what they will find there, then their deepest wish might be granted them!"
"I have heard oftentimes that people find this is not what they thought it might be," Azhari told him, looking at him keenly. "Give this up, Obi-Wan. Return to Coruscant, to your padawan, and your friends. Learn to be happy with what you have, and stop chasing after ghosts."
Obi-Wan shook his head and they locked gazes for what felt like an eternity. Finally she broke the eye contact, and chuckled ruefully. "I see that Master Jinn was not the only one who is headstrong," she murmured.
"Does that mean you'll help me?" He asked her.
"No," she replied. "Will that stop you?" She inquired.
He thought about it for a moment. "No," he answered.
She nodded. "Farewell then, Obi-Wan. I will keep a watch for your return, and pray that you may find whatever you seek on your journey."
"Thank you." He stood, and bowed before her, then looked around uncertainly.
"There is no great secret." She shrugged, handing him his cloak. "I will give you no aid, but neither will I stop you." She held open the door to the hut, and he gave her a determined smile, raised his hood, then stepped out into the howling dust-storm.
Obi-Wan staggered across the plain towards the rock that marked the Gateway. There was no altar here, no statues, no temple - nothing to show that this was a place of such immense power and purpose. The keeper of this sacred place held the mysteries of the universe in her hand, and yet she lived alone in a tiny hut, condemned to spend an eternity on this ravaged world.
Obi-Wan stopped beside the rock, and knelt in the dust. He tried to clear his mind, to ignore the swirling dirt, and to bring himself to a state of purity. After several long minutes, he found himself calm in purpose and intent. He held the wish of his heart deep within, and asked the blessing of the Guardians of this place as he stepped across the sacred portal. Then he stood, took one step forward...and disappeared.
Azhari stood in the doorway of her hut, and watched the young man go. She offered up a prayer as he passed between the portals of time and space. Of the many travelers she had seen, she held him dearest in her heart. She had never seen one more good and true, more deserving of seeing his hopes realised. And yet...Azhari crouched down and scooped up a handful of sand, then watched as it trickled through her fingers.
"It is unlikely that he will find what he seeks," a voice said.
"I know," she smiled at the unseen speaker, "but he might find something else." Or someone else...
"We must be hopeful."
"Is it fated?" Azhari asked.
"It is always fated," the voice replied. "Whether for good or ill, remains to be seen."
Azhari nodded, then turned back to her hut, and her lonely vigil, and waited to see if her traveller would return.
There was a screech that rent the air, as if the fabric of time itself had been torn, and then he was thrown forward, onto something hard and unyielding. Obi-Wan felt a pain rip through his leg, and then he was knocked backwards, onto the hard ground, hitting his head. He lay there for a moment, winded, unable to take in the images that assaulted his senses.
"Are you all right?" A pair of anxious brown eyes filled his vision, flashing their concern from behind a pair of spectacles. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you...where did you come from? You just seemed to appear out of nowhere. Shit, are you okay?"
The man crouched down beside him. He was dressed in strange clothing, which barely concealed his solid, muscled form. Obi-Wan nodded, feeling nauseous, and unable to focus. "I..." He began, then his vision blurred, and he started to sway. "My leg..." he whispered. The big man nodded, and began rolling back his trouser leg.
"There's some blood - it's a nasty gash, but not serious," the man told him. His large hands brushed against Obi-Wan's head, and fingered the bump there. His fingers were surprisingly gentle, and soft, like big cat's paws. "It's not too bad, just a bruise, but you might have a concussion. I think I should take you to the hospital. Are you able to walk? It'd be quicker than calling for the paramedics, and besides...I kind of feel responsible for you seeing as it was my car you walked into," the man said.
Obi-Wan managed a weak smile. He was all at sea in this place, on this world, in this time, wherever and whenever it was, but this man was offering him kindness, and he needed a friend right now.
"Thank-you," he whispered. "This hospital...is it a place of healing?"
"Uh, you could call it that," the man replied, looking puzzled.
"I would...is it necessary that I go there?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I think so, yes," the stranger replied firmly, in the tone of one used to being obeyed. Obi-Wan nodded, and his head protested the movement.
The big man pulled him up, and half-walked, half-carried him to the vehicle that had knocked Obi-Wan down, helping him to sit inside, and fastening a cord around him to keep him safe. Obi-Wan leaned back in the seat and felt his head lolling to one side, as if he had no control over it.
"I'm Walter Skinner. What's your name?" His new friend asked. Obi-Wan had to think about it for several seconds.
"O...B...en...o...b" He whispered, clutching onto the cord as the vehicle began to spin.
"Sorry - I didn't catch that. Was it...Ben?" Walter Skinner leaned towards him, frowning. Obi-Wan gave him a faint smile, and then lost consciousness.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10