Pretazeneu
by TJPart 12
Qui-Gon walked Obi-Wan over to the couch and sat him down beside Master Yoda. Obi-Wan gripped his hand tightly before letting his master go. He knew Qui-Gon wanted him to do this, to try and be strong. He hated being such a burden to the other man, so frightened and needy all the time. And he knew Qui-Gon could feel his emotions through their bond.
The fact that he could feel that his master was still near, even if not present, helped to relax the young man further. The closer his master was, the sooner they could be together again. These days, Obi-Wan lived simply to be in his master's presence. The nights where he lay curled up along Qui-Gon's side, wrapped around the older man, were like a soothing balm to the shredded remnants of his soul.
Va'Sal and Yoda waited and watched while the young apprentice forced himself to relax. The healer wanted to ask what it was he was thinking of that brought such a look of serenity to his face, but decided now was not the time. With a last look to Yoda, the healer spoke.
"I wanted to talk to you about your master, Obi-Wan," she began. The young man immediately tensed, his eyes narrowing and Va'Sal hastened to reassure him. "It's nothing bad, really. Nothing he or you have done wrong."
"Listen, you must," Yoda said gently and lay a small green hand on the young man's knee. The simple gesture of affection calmed him and he relaxed again.
"Qui-Gon needs your help," she said, knowing full well that there was nothing this man would not do for his master. "He's having a difficult time with talking about some of the things the creature did to him. He tells me that whenever he tries to work through them you tend to become upset so he stops."
Obi-Wan looked away. It was true. Whenever Qui-Gon thought about what happened on Veygra, Obi-Wan became more and more agitated until Qui-Gon stopped. He just could not stand his master remembering what the creature had forced him to do.
"That's the problem, you see," she continued. "He had to think about it, has to work through it, if he's ever going to heal. I know you want him to get past this. I know you want him to heal, to be the man he was again. Only you can help him do that, Obi-Wan. Only you."
Yoda watched, almost biting his tongue to remain silent. Obi-Wan grew more and more agitated as Va'Sal spoke. Her words were having quite an effect on the young man. And not a good one.
"Do you know the thing that hurts him the most?" she asked. She waited until his eyes met hers again.
"It's the fact that you don't believe him," she answered. "You don't believe him when he says that he never saw you, only the creature. It tears his heart out to know you blame yourself, to know that you think he could have ever mistaken that abomination for his own padawan."
Obi-Wan was openly crying now and Va'Sal could feel Qui-Gon begging for her to stop. Yoda looked to the healer but she shook her head no. She rushed on quickly, knowing Qui-Gon was only a heartbeat away from coming back inside, agreement be damned.
"Do you remember what he told you, Obi-Wan?" she asked quietly. "Do you remember what he said to you when he held you, before the Banishment? He said, 'I may have called it master, but I never called it Obi-Wan.'"
//Master!// Obi-Wan cried into their bond as he began to sob. Great wracking sobs tore their way out of his body. Yoda and Va'Sal immediately threw up shields to try to contain the overwhelming pain that flowed outward from the young man before them.
A brief moment later and Qui-Gon was there pulling his trembling padawan into his arms. He stroked Obi-Wan's back and felt tears fill his own eyes at the depths of the young man's pain. He berated himself for listening to Va'Sal. He had known better than to let anyone near his Precious One.
//I believe you now, Master.//
Qui-Gon froze. He had put Obi-Wan's first frantic cry down as pure panic. But the soft voice in his head was anything but frantic now. Tear-filled green eyes looked up into astonished blue ones. This was the first Obi-Wan had "spoken" since this nightmare began.
"Oh, Precious One," Qui-Gon breathed as tears ran down his own face. "I have so missed the sound of your thoughts."
Yoda and Va'Sal understood then. Obi-Wan had spoken to Qui-Gon with his mind. Another step had been taken. Va'Sal felt her own eyes fill with tears and quickly blinked them away. It was very difficult not to get caught up in all the emotions swirling around these two. Even Yoda seemed a bit affected by it all.
//Va'Sal says you need to work through what...what was done...to you. That I'm making it worse.//
"No, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said quickly. "You could never make it worse. You are the only thing that keeps me going some days. But Va'Sal does believe that for me to truly heal, to truly put this behind me, I have to come to terms with what transpired."
//I can not help what I feel when you remember what I...what was done. But I will do my best. You must do as the healer advises. She has helped you much already.//
"I have no wish to cause you pain. You have had more than your share of it and I will not be party to causing you more." Qui-Gon continued to speak out loud. He hoped by doing so he would encourage Obi-Wan to as well. And this way, he did not have to relay the entire conversation to his master and the healer. They should be able to piece it together from his end of things.
//More than anything, Master, I want you to be well. I want you to be whole again. Even more than I want to be whole again myself. If I must bear a little pain in order for you to heal, then I welcome it.//
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon began but he could already see this battle was lost.
//Please, Qui-Gon. I believe it will help me as well. I...I...//
"What, love?"
//I want so badly to have back what we had, what we were beginning to have. I love you. That has not changed, nor will it ever. But...//
"But?" Qui-Gon prompted again.
//But I despair that we will ever be lovers. I know you love me. But I do not see how you could ever want me to touch you, how you could find my touch as anything other than abhorrent.//
"Don't you EVER say that to me again!" Qui-Gon shouted. His eyes had gone so dark they almost appeared black. Obi-Wan could see the anger in his eyes even as he felt it radiating through their bond.
"Qui-Gon!" Va'Sal cried out, jumping to her feet. The Jedi master's sudden angry outburst frightened her.
"And what said he to anger you so?" Yoda asked calmly, never moving from his seat on the couch. Obi-Wan tried to turn his face away from Qui-Gon's but the man's strong grip on his chin prevented it.
"You say you believe me," Qui-Gon said to Obi-Wan, ignoring Yoda's question. "That you believe that I saw only the creature. Yet you turn around and tell me I should find your touch abhorrent!"
Obi-Wan began to tremble as Qui-Gon held him. He had made his master so angry and he did not mean to. Qui-Gon was so good to him, took care of him, loved him. He was all Obi-Wan had left. He did not know what he would do if Qui-Gon cast him away.
The young man's fears traveled easily across their bond and Qui-Gon reeled under the force of them. He could feel his padawan shaking in his arms. Obi-Wan's fear and panic quickly drove most of the anger from the man and Qui-Gon once again began to soothe his apprentice.
"This is not going well at all," Qui-Gon muttered as he sent feelings of peace and love across their bond.
"On the contrary," Va'Sal said, a small smile playing at her lips. "Things are going quite well."
"Go we will now," Yoda said as he got up from the couch. "Talk you should. Understand your fears you must."
"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon said.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Va'Sal said as she followed Yoda to the door.
"Thank you," Qui-Gon replied.
Another month passed before Qui-Gon could bring himself to talk about the rape. He and Va'Sal spend two weeks discussing it. In detail. He came to realize that the thing that hurt him the most was not the shameful begging he had been forced to do. It was the fact that this act was being taken from them. Even if it was not Obi-Wan, it still hurt to have the gift he would have given to his padawan ripped from them.
Obi-Wan continued to improve during this time. He was coming to terms with what he had been forced to watch. He had thought his master broken by the creature and that had wounded him more than anything else. To see his master, broken and begging for mercy, knowing none would come was devastating to the young man. But slowly, he accepted it. He came to realize he was wrong. His master had not broken, though he had come dangerously close. Obi-Wan vowed that he would protect this man for the rest of his life, and beyond if he could manage it.
The one thing that frustrated him the most was his master's refusal to let their relationship evolve any further. He could tell the man wanted to, just as Qui-Gon could tell that he himself longed for more. The night time cuddling was wonderful, and they were more than affectionate with one another, but Qui-Gon refused to let it go beyond kissing. And not very deep kissing at that. Finally, frustrated beyond belief by yet another dream of his master, Obi-Wan challenged him.
//Why?// he demanded, his thought-voice surly.
"Why what, Padawan?" Qui-Gon asked, knowing full well what his apprentice meant. He had felt the man's arousal while he dreamt and had a good idea where this was going. Maybe it was time.
//Why will you not allow our relationship to progress?//
"As I told you before, Obi-Wan, I will not do this at your expense," Qui-Gon answered. Obi-Wan just stared at him. Was he serious? How in all the hells could he think this would be at his - expense - ?
//WHAT are you talking about?// he practically shouted into their bond.
"When you can come to me, well and whole, then I will consider it," Qui-Gon said firmly, his face set. "Not before."
//I am!//
"Do you not realize how badly I long to hear your voice? How much I miss it? How I despair that I will never hear it again? Do you?" Qui-Gon asked softly, his voice suddenly very tired.
Obi-Wan understood what Qui-Gon was saying then. He would not even consider deepening their relationship until Obi-Wan spoke. It was his last defense, the last wall he hid behind. And Qui-Gon knew it. The Jedi master was leaving the decision to him. What was more important to him - his shield or their love?
"M...Ma...Mas...ter?" Obi-Wan stammered. His mouth seemed thick and clumsily as if it did not remember how to make the word after months of disuse.
Qui-Gon closed his eyes at the sound he thought he would never hear again. His heart sang as the last band loosened and fell away allowing it to beat fully for the first time in what seemed like forever. The Jedi master opened his arms and his apprentice almost flew into them. They held each other as their tears came yet again. Both men wondered if there would ever come a time when they did not cry at the drop of a hat.
"Say it again, Precious One," Qui-Gon beseeched.
"Mas...ter..." Obi-Wan whispered. "Love...you."
"And I you, my Precious One," he replied as he leaned his head down and sealed his mouth over his lover's.
Obi-Wan arched up into the kiss and was startled to feel Qui-Gon's tongue gently brush against his lips. He opened them and was rewarded by the feel of that same tongue stroking his own as it explored his mouth. With a strangled shout, Obi-Wan thrust his hips against Qui-Gon and came, the orgasm taking him so by surprise he would have collapsed if his lover had not held him up.
Qui-Gon felt his lover's climax and gripped the younger man tightly. He felt Obi-Wan's legs start to buckle and used the Force to help hold him upright. He swallowed the cries of pleasure as he continued to drink in the taste of his lover. Oh how he had longed for this!
Reluctantly, the need for air forced them apart. Obi-Wan blushed, rather ashamed of his lack of control, but Qui-Gon merely smiled and sent a cresting wave of reassurance along their bond.
"A beautiful young lover that comes from my kisses alone," he teased. "What a boost to an old man's ego you are."
"Not...old..." Obi-Wan rasped out.
"No more," Qui-Gon said, covering his lips with his fingers. "Let your voice rest a bit."
//First you want me to talk. Now you don't. I do so wish you would make up your mind, my Master.//
"Brat," Qui-Gon laughed. He stroked Obi-Wan's cheek and the other man leaned into the caress. "I remember you wanted to take things slowly, my Precious One. I would still like to."
//As you wish, Qui-Gon. I understand your wish to make sure I will have no regrets. Let me assure you now. You are the other half of my soul. So long as we are together, I will have no regrets.//
"Oh, Precious One..."
//However, I would like to get out of these, um, sticky leggings.//
"All right," Qui-Gon laughed. "Why don't you go clean up, then join me in the bedroom."
//I thought you wanted to take things slowly?//
"I do," he laughed again. "I thought we might lie together for a bit."
//I would like that.//
Obi-Wan stood and walked to the fresher to clean up. Qui-Gon watched him go, finally allowing himself to see just watch the man's body move. He had refused himself this simple pleasure while Obi-Wan was recovering. It was too easy to take advantage, too easy to overstep the boundaries of what was right. But not anymore. Now he could look all he wanted. And touch. And taste. And...
They lay in the bed, naked, Qui-Gon on his back and Obi-Wan curled around him. The young man rested his head on his master's chest. Slowly, he began to run his hand over the vast expanse of chest and stomach before him. It felt so good, so right, to touch his master this way. It was as if the last tear in his soul was finally mending.
Qui-Gon felt his body start to respond. His first instinct was to squelch his desire, but he realized he no longer had to. With a sigh, he let the feelings wash over him.
The Jedi master's cock began to harden as Obi-Wan brushed his hand over then man's flat stomach. He let his fingers brush just the top of the nest of dark curls before moving upward again. Qui-Gon moaned as that hand caressed first one nipple then the other until they were stiff peaks on his chest.
"I thought...thought we were...were taking things, um, slowly," Qui-Gon managed just before Obi-Wan bent his head down and took one swollen peak into his mouth. Qui-Gon moaned and began to writhe as the young man suckled gently.
//Don't you think we've wasted enough time? I want you. I want to make love to you. I want to feel you inside me, hot and hard and real.//
"Yesss..." Qui-Gon hissed. His desire to take things slowly vanishing. He tried to push Obi-Wan off of him some, to allow him to reach the other man better, but was stopped.
//Not this time. This first time, let me make love to you, Qui-Gon. Let me take away every hateful act that thing did.//
"Yes, my Precious One," he said.
Obi-Wan raised up on his elbow and looked down into the face of the man he loved. Passion-filled blue eyes gazed back at him. The love shining in those eyes threatened to undo him and he quickly looked away, taking in the sight of Qui-Gon's body, naked and aroused, instead. And what a sight it was. Spread out on his back, body flushed with desire, proud cock straining with need, it was a feast for his eyes.
He indulged himself for a moment before rolling away from his lover to kneel on the bed. He motioned for Qui-Gon to move to the center and waited for him to comply. Obi-Wan's own cock was hard now and he watched as his master eyed him appreciatively.
Once Qui-Gon was settled on his back once more, Obi-Wan moved to kneel beside him. He slowly brought his lips down and kissed his lover deeply. This time, Qui-Gon held back, letting Obi-Wan take the lead. He was rewarded by the feel of the man's soft tongue thrusting into his mouth, stroking his own.
Obi-Wan spent long minutes kissing his master, mapping the other man's mouth, drinking in the taste of him. He ruthlessly ignored his own arousal. He would not rush this. No matter how much his body screamed for release, he would not rush this. This would be their first time and he was determined to make it as perfect for Qui-Gon as possible.
Qui-Gon moaned into the scalding mouth fastened to his. The soft, delicate stroking of tongue on tongue was driving him insane. Was the boy going to spend the entire night just kissing him? He ached to pull Obi down and ravish him, but he restrained himself. This was for his lover, too. And if his lover wanted to drive him to the edge of sanity with his kisses alone, Qui-Gon would let him.
At last, Obi-Wan broke away from his lover's mouth and began to move downward. Qui-Gon cried out at the sudden loss, but the cry quickly turned to a groan of pleasure as that talented mouth fastened onto his neck, then trailed lazily down to his chest. He could not keep himself from arching into the touch as Obi clampled his mouth over one sensitive nipple while bringing his hand up to pinch and caress the other.
Obi-Wan kept up his assault on Qui-Gon's chest until he felt the pleasure slide toward pain. Reluctantly, he pulled away and began to rain kisses down upon the man's stomach. With deliberate care, he kissed, licked, and nipped his way across the tight muscles.
Qui-Gon was emitting an almost constant moaning sound. Obi-Wan smiled as he continued his downward journey. Qui-Gon inhaled sharply and his body went rigid as Obi-Wan began to lave his navel. No one had ever done that to him before and the sensation alone almost made him come.
"Pad...padawan...Obi...please!" Qui-Gon groaned, his head thrashing from side to side in an effort not to come, not to disappoint his love.
//Perhaps we should take the edge off for you, beloved.//
Qui-Gon registered the voice in his head a split second before Obi-Wan's mouth descended on his cock. The Jedi master screamed as that hot wet mouth covered the head of his hard and leaking penis. He bucked up hard, thrusting deeply into the young man's mouth. Obi-Wan gripped his hips and forced the man back down onto the bed.
Holding Qui-Gon down, Obi-Wan began to suck. He moved his mouth quickly up and down the throbbing shaft. He could taste the pre-cum that flowed from the head and thought he had never tasted anything sweeter. He pulled back until only the head remained inside his mouth then swirled his tongue around it before sinking back down quickly. Qui-Gon tried to thrust upward again, but Obi-Wan held him in place.
All too soon, it was over. Qui-Gon cried out his release as he came inside his padawan's mouth. Obi-Wan swallowed as fast as he could, doing his best to keep the salty fluid from escaping. He held his master's cock in his mouth until it began to go soft. Only then did he release it to gently lick away the drops that had slipped from his mouth.
Satisfied his master was clean, Obi-Wan moved back up to lay beside him. Qui-Gon pulled him close and kissed him deeply, savoring the taste of his cum in his lover's mouth. Qui-Gon released him and Obi-Wan settled down beside him, his head on his master's chest once more. Qui-Gon gave a contented sigh and smiled as he felt his young love's own arousal poking him in the thigh.
"What about you?" Qui-Gon asked softly.
//It will keep.//
"Obi..."
//It will keep, beloved. Rest now. We have time.//
"Yes, my Precious One," Qui-Gon said as he drifted toward sleep. "We have all the time in the universe."
END.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12