warringtonchaser: *comes in without knocking*
montaguechaser: ::sitting on the couch, arms folded over his knees, head down; he's slumped, but tense, waiting for the sound of the opening door--:: ...Chris! ::head flicks up, eyes panicked, suddenly, but desperate::
warringtonchaser: *very quietly and without malice, still standing* Where were you the other night?
montaguechaser: I... ::trails off, wincing a little; he's already dug his own grave, so he might as well...:: ...I was...I was with Der.
warringtonchaser: Yes, I know. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me the truth. *puts hands in pockets*
montaguechaser: ::bows his head, shoulders slumping again:: ...what was that. Some sort of...some sort of...test...?
warringtonchaser: Well, it's not like *you* brought it up.
montaguechaser: No, I didn't, but... ::winces:: ...look. Nothing...between us, nothing...happened, I mean-- we didn't--...
warringtonchaser: *looks at the wall* I don't believe you.
montaguechaser: ::blinks, face paling a little:: ...you-- what...?
warringtonchaser: *takes hands out of pockets and balls them up, staring* I. Do not. Believe. You.
montaguechaser: ::winces, eyes narrowing a little:: ...fine then. You don't bloody have to believe me, but I'm telling you the fucking truth!
warringtonchaser: If nothing happened, where were you all fucking night? And why didn't you tell me where the hell you were going? *keeps hands balled to resist the urge to yank Tyb to his feet*
montaguechaser: ...I didn't tell you because-- bloody hell, why should I have told you? ::frown deepens, body tensing; still, he can't bring himself to stand, to face Chris down:: ...where was I? I was in his fucking bed, yes, and then I wasn't, because I bloody left...!
warringtonchaser: *shoulders slump* I thought you told me everything. After what we talked about in the shop...
montaguechaser: ....I didn't even know we were going to...to do anything... ::winces again, feeling perfectly awful, after that:: ...I would have told you, I just..
warringtonchaser: *starting to get just a little angry, and breathing just a little hard* You just what?
montaguechaser: ..I just wasn't thinking bloody clearly! ::takes a sharp, deep breath in, trying to calm himself:: ...I do tell you everything. Which is why I'm telling you, nothing bloody. Happened.
warringtonchaser: *shouts, interrupting Tyb* You were in his bed, and nothing happened. I'm sure!
montaguechaser: ...bloody-- you're not bloody listening to me! You complain I didn't tell you, and then, when I do, you call me a bloody liar! What the hell am I supposed to do?
warringtonchaser: Have you seen his fucking journal? Do you at least know why I don't believe you?
montaguechaser: ...that's his journal, you know, not mine! ::pauses, then looks away, eyes darkening:: ...yes. I know why you don't believe me. I wouldn't believe me, all right? ...but I didn't..we didn't...
warringtonchaser: *slumps into a chair, head in hands* Fucking bastard is insinuating that you fucked. You didn't even tell me where you were going.
montaguechaser: ::almost reaches out to him-- but pulls his hand back miserably:: ...Merlin. I don't care what the hell he's insinuating, I'm telling you what happened! We-- did some things, but we-- we didn't do others... ::pauses, biting his lower lip:: ...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have told you.
warringtonchaser: But you didn't. You didn't. And now I can't believe you.
montaguechaser: ...you want to bloody ask him yourself? He'll tell you, we didn't... ::shakes his head, trailing off, staring at the other in disbelief::
warringtonchaser: *rubbing temples, not looking up* I can't believe him, either. Would you?
montaguechaser: ::buries his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair:: ...I don't know. I don't know what to say.
warringtonchaser: *raises head and starts to shout again* Do you have any fucking idea what I went through, in the pub with Flint? Do you? Knowing where you were, and what you were doing?
montaguechaser: Well if you knew all so well where I was and what I was doing, I didn't have to fucking tell you, now did I! ::voice just as short, just as snapping, face pained but defensive::
warringtonchaser: *jumps to his feet, obviously hurt but very angry* I was fucking worried about you.
montaguechaser: ::stands as well, now, back straightening, eyes bright and focused:: ...well you didn't fucking have to be.
warringtonchaser: You, in fact, have no fucking idea how worried I was, apparently.
montaguechaser: ...I thought that I did, but obviously, I thought bloody wrong.
warringtonchaser: If you had just told me where you were going, I wouldn't have cared! I would have tried to stop you, but I wouldn't have cared...
montaguechaser: I didn't tell you where I was going because I couldn't find you to do so. I was bloody terrified, I hadn't seen the bastard in forever, and, if you must know, I didn't intend on going back to his apartment in the first place!
warringtonchaser: Well, you did. And you must have fucking had an idea that you would. You know how you get about him; everyone fucking knows how you get about him.
montaguechaser: Except for me, apparently! Whatever the hell you're trying to insinuate, just know for one that I have no idea what you mean, so you can either elaborate, or...I don't care what! ::winces, shaking his head, trying to calm himself:: ...look. That wasn't what I'd intended, all right?
warringtonchaser: Don't you fucking remember that day in the store?
warringtonchaser: You told me you were going to stay away from him.
montaguechaser: He invited me to have a couple of drinks with him, to catch up on old times...! I thought-- maybe, if we could just be friends, then it could just...be over, finished with!
warringtonchaser: *quietly* Yes, but it isn't, is it?
montaguechaser: ...not yet, no.
montaguechaser: ...but I think-- I need to fucking get a backbone, and tell him...that it is.
warringtonchaser: *bitterly* Yes, and then you'll just repeat the entire process the next fucking time that you're lonely and you miss him.
warringtonchaser: No matter what I say. You're not going to take my advice, anyway.
montaguechaser: ...how the bloody hell do you even know that?! ::takes a step forward, fists clenching, then draws back, shaking his head, unable to meet Chris's eyes::
warringtonchaser: You didn't take my advice before, why would you now? You know and I know exactly what's going to happen, and if you're going to hurt yourself again, I bloody well can't stop it, can I? No matter how much I fucking... wish I could.
montaguechaser: ...how am I supposed to listen to you if you won't listen to me? ::tenses, fingers tightening into fists onces more, hanging helplessly by his sides:: ...you could start by listening to me. By believing me...
warringtonchaser: *exhales deeply* I want to believe you. I want to believe that you didn't fuck him. *struggles to get the words out* What... what did you do?
montaguechaser: ...we kissed. We touched a little, we kissed some more. ::cannot, for the life of him, look at Chris as he says this, voice resigned, hollow-sounding:: ...and then we fell asleep. And then I woke up before he did, and like the fucking coward I am, I ran.
warringtonchaser: *opens and closes mouth helplessly.* But... you kissed him.
montaguechaser: ...yes. A lot. And he kissed me, too. ...a lot. ::looks down at the floor, at the wall, at his feet, anywhere but...::
warringtonchaser: *yells* I don't care! All that fucking matters to me is that you kissed him back!
montaguechaser: ::takes a step backwards, eyes widening at the sudden attack:: ...does it matter to you that I was fucking drunk out of my mind at the time, and had I even been a little bit sober, I bloody wouldn't have?!
warringtonchaser: I don't believe it. I don't fucking believe it. You go over to his bloody house, and you were fucking drunk enough to kiss the bastard, and you didn't fuck him.
montaguechaser: No! I couldn't! Because I wasn't thinking about him, you daft twat, not for a single bloody second of it!
warringtonchaser: *shakes head in disbelief* Yeah, you practically had a fucking coronary when you found out he was in town, and you weren't thinking about him. What the fuck were you thinking about, then?
montaguechaser: ...::opens his mouth, ready to just-- blurt it out-- and then shuts it again, shaking his head, saying nothing; tensed and silent and miserable::
warringtonchaser: You lied once, at least fucking tell me now.
montaguechaser: ...I can't.
warringtonchaser: *twists face up angrily* You know, Marcus offered me a couch and a shoulder at his place, maybe I should just take him up on that.
montaguechaser: ::exhales slowly, trying to keep himself upright, trying to keep from crying in the middle of all this -- that would be the last thing he needs:: ...if I told you... ::shakes his head:: ...fuck. Fuck! You seem to think you understand but you bloody well don't, but don't fucking walk out on me...!
montaguechaser signed off at 1:42:22 PM.
montaguechaser signed on at 1:44:47 PM.
warringtonchaser: No. I don't. I don't understand. I don't understand why you would go over there without telling me, to do something you promised me you wouldn't do, and then tell me that you didn't want to do it anyway. *spreads hands out helplessly* I don't understand.
montaguechaser: ...and how could you. ::as if all the fight has been let out of him, like air from a balloon; he sinks down into a chair again, burying his face in his hands:: ...why the bloody hell are you so fucking stubborn, you bloody... ::trails off, voice holding no anger, no vehemence:: ...I wasn't thinking about him. I thought he could...honestly, I thought he could take my mind off...::his voice lowered, grew soft:: ...of you. But he didn't. He couldn't. I realized when I woke up how bloody stupid I'd been, and so I left...rather than face it. And I didn't come home, because I couldn't face you.
warringtonchaser: *stands still as a statue, not moving, like he thinks maybe he'll wake up*
warringtonchaser: You couldn't... you...
montaguechaser: ::waits for a few moments of agonizing silence, nearly jumping when Chris finally speaks; unable, now, to bring himself to say anything further::
warringtonchaser: *breathing rather loudly* Me?
montaguechaser: ...for Merlin's sake, yes, you!
warringtonchaser: Why... why didn't you tell me this ... why didn't you tell me this before?
montaguechaser: ...I was fucking terrified out of my fucking mind, that's why. What the hell-- what the hell was I supposed to expect from you?!
warringtonchaser: *sinks onto the couch* What the hell did you think I would do? You're my best friend, what, you thought I would laugh?
montaguechaser: ...drive you away, maybe? Drive you insane? For Merlin's sake, I didn't know, that's why I was so fucking scared!
warringtonchaser: You didn't know... you didn't... and you...
warringtonchaser: I would never leave you.
montaguechaser: ::buries his face in his hands, silent::
warringtonchaser: Don't you believe me?
montaguechaser: ...I do. I believe you...I believe you. ::voice soft, muffled::
warringtonchaser: Oh, Gods. You always... you've always trusted me, bastard that I am, and I didn't even believe you when...
montaguechaser: ::shakes his head slightly, curling in on himself::
warringtonchaser: I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I didn't trust you, Tyb.
montaguechaser: ...it doesn't matter. You had no bloody reason to.
warringtonchaser: *shakes head, forcefully* It does matter, it matters a lot.
montaguechaser: ...no. No, really, it...doesn't.
warringtonchaser: You have always trusted me, and then I go and do something stupid like tell you I know you're lying to me.
montaguechaser: I told you, you didn't have any bloody reason to believe me. I don'tblame you. I blame myself, all right, so...you don't have to think about it, anymore.
warringtonchaser: *shaky laugh* You would tell me something like that and expect that I wouldn't want to think about it anymore.
montaguechaser: ...and why, for bloody Merlin's sake, shouldn't I expect that?
warringtonchaser: *hesitates* I ... want to think about it.
montaguechaser: ::nods, still not pulling his head from his hands:: ...of course.
warringtonchaser: In fact, I've been... I've been thinking about it for a long time.
montaguechaser: ::his shoulders tense:: ...you've been....? ::lifts his head, eyes widening slightly with confusion::
warringtonchaser: *closes eyes* A very long time, seems like.
montaguechaser: ..ah. ::swallows, trying to keep some of the bitterness from his voice:: ...I...see...
warringtonchaser: Do you... do you remember when we...
warringtonchaser: *can't bring himself to finish*
montaguechaser: ...::looks up to his face for just a moment -- to catch what it is he's talking about, to make sure:: ...yes. ::the color drains from his face:: ...of course...of course I do...
warringtonchaser: And we promised we wouldn't talk about it, ever?
montaguechaser: ...yes. ::voice turns bitter again:: ...yes, I remember that.
warringtonchaser: I... *swallows miserably* I think about that a lot. I've actually been thinking about that since it happened.
montaguechaser: ...:;softly, barely over a whisper:: ...yeah, well. So've I, actually...
warringtonchaser: I wish... I wish we'dve been smarter back then.
montaguechaser: ...I only wish I...hadn't panicked. ::winces:: ...but we agreed...not to...you know...
warringtonchaser: The agreement was the stupid part. We should never have agreed never to...
montaguechaser: ...I know. Believe me, I know we should never have...I... ::sighs, shaking his head:: ...but that's in the bloody past. This is...this is bloody now....
warringtonchaser: Yes. This is... not the past.
montaguechaser: ...no. It isn't. ::even if he did kick himself every day for that one mistake...that agreement, bloody stupid agreement...!::
warringtonchaser: Why, um, why did we make that agreement in the first place?
montaguechaser: ... ::blinks slightly:: ..I...thought...you wanted it...
warringtonchaser: I didn't. I thought Derrick was all you ever wanted, that you didn't really want me.
montaguechaser: ..bloody hell, Chris, Der is-- yes, I ... I did, have...feelings, for him, but for you-- it's...it's different...::pauses, swallowing, looking away:: ...I mean. Stronger. ...better, even, if...you want to call it...that... ::winces. Shouldn't have said that, no, should not have said that...::
warringtonchaser: Dammit, why didn't you just tell me?
warringtonchaser: All this time... we could've been...
montaguechaser: I told you, I was scared out of my-- ... ::trails off, looking up to him slowly, swallowing:: ...could have been....?
warringtonchaser: All this fucking time we wasted.
montaguechaser: ::silent, disbelieving, absolutely speechless:: ...
warringtonchaser: Yes, you fucking idiot, I love you.
montaguechaser: ...you... ::pause. Breathe.:: ...what...?
warringtonchaser: I. Love. You.
montaguechaser: ...for Merlin's sake, you bloody idiot, do you have any idea what that means to me...? ::takes a deep breath, standing, shakily, but firmly:: ....could you...maybe..say it again...?
warringtonchaser: No. I said it twice. You say it.
montaguechaser: ...Chris. Chris Warrington. ::swallows, voice turning shaky, hands trembling in tightly clenched fists::...for Merlin's sake, I love you.
warringtonchaser: *swallows, lightheaded* I... I love you too, Tybalt.
montaguechaser: ...oh, for... ::crosses the distance between them in two swift strides, pulling the other into his arms::
warringtonchaser: *closes his eyes and allows himself to be held* Oh, my God.
montaguechaser: ::squeezes his eyes shut, arms tightening fiercely around him, face buried against his cheek::
warringtonchaser: *tries not to cry* You idiot. We could have had this so much sooner.
montaguechaser: ...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Forgive me, I'm sorry. ::turns his face to the side, voice choked; draws in a ragged breath, lips pressed against Chris's jaw:: ...I'm sorry...
warringtonchaser: I think... um, I think it's all right.
montaguechaser: ...it isn't. I'm an idiot...oh, God... ::tightens his hold::
warringtonchaser: It's fine. *strokes the back of Tyb's neck* I promise.
montaguechaser: ::relaxes slightly, his muscles, his hold on the other, sighing softly against Chris's ear:: ...all right.
warringtonchaser: *chuckles softly* Aren't you going to ever kiss me?
montaguechaser: ...you could kiss me, too, you know. ::pulls back slightly, eyes sparkling a little too brightly for just relief, for just laughter:: ...right. Kiss you. Let's see. ::pauses, lifting a hand to cup his cheek:: ...God, I love you. ::leans down, tilting his chin up slightly, brushing their lips together, not too chaste, but perfectly innocent::
warringtonchaser: That wasn't exactly what I had in mind - although, it was rather nice. *grins* Now, this is more like what I was thinking of. *takes Tyb's face in his hands and bends his head down slightly, pressing their mouths together deeply.*
montaguechaser: ::leans into it, arm wrapping tighter around Chris's waist, pulling his body up close, lips parting against his, fingers running up his cheek, over his cheekbone, through his hair::
warringtonchaser: *pauses a minute for air, breathing heavily* Fuck, I love you so fucking much.
montaguechaser: ::rests his fingers lightly on the back of Chris's neck, forehead leaning against his, eyes half-lidded, glowing slightly, beneath the shadow:: ...are you...are you trying to kill me...? ::lips move slightly, into a smile:: ...don't stop, though, I love it...
warringtonchaser: Do you know how lucky I fucking am? Do you know how many people want this? *curls one arm around Tyb's waist to bring him closer* And it's mine, now.
montaguechaser: ...how many people...? Shh, wait, don't answer that, I have to... ::leans in, kissing him again, more aggressively, this time, before he pulls back again, breathing a little heavily:: ...do that, first...
warringtonchaser: A lot of people, Tybalt, a lot.
montaguechaser: ...why'm I always the last to know these things...?
warringtonchaser: I don't know, because you're silly?
montaguechaser: ...no, because nobody ever tells me anything...!
warringtonchaser: That's because they'd rather just look at you than tell you things. Kiss me again.
montaguechaser: ...oh, of course, once I open my mouth, everything's ruined. All right. ::complies, leaning in to find his lips easily, now::
warringtonchaser: No. *smiles* When you open your mouth, everything is perfect.
montaguechaser: ::runs his finger through Chris's hair again, watching his face for a moment:: ...thank you. ::pauses:: For putting up with me.
warringtonchaser: It was... my pleasure.
montaguechaser: ...you say that now, but...Merlin knows how crazy I'll make you.
warringtonchaser: You've already made me crazy. *grins*
montaguechaser: ::pulls him close again, kissing the corner of his mouth, and then just holds him for a moment, still wondering when he's going to wake up to the hell he's been in, the past few days::
warringtonchaser: So... I suppose this means that you won't be seeing Derrick, anymore?
montaguechaser: ...what do you think, you bloody idiot?
warringtonchaser: I just.... I just had to make sure, you know?
montaguechaser: ::sighs deeply, softening:: ...I know. I understand.
warringtonchaser: Never. *with force* Never another but me.
montaguechaser: ...never another but you. ::voice soft, perfectly serious::
warringtonchaser: I trust you, Tybalt. *closes eyes* Make me believe it.
montaguechaser: ::leans in to kiss him, deeply, not fierce, now, but promising::
warringtonchaser: *pulls away the slightest bit, breathing raggedly* God, I love you. I love you. I don't know how to do anything else. I love you.
montaguechaser: ::feels a little thrill run down his spine, body tensing, knees growing miserably, pathetically, wonderfully weak:: ....God, Chris, why the hell would I ever want anything else when I could just...hear that...?
warringtonchaser: You'd better not, because you're going to be hearing it a lot.
montaguechaser: ...honestly, Chris, I couldn't ask for anything more. ::eyes sparkle slightly, fingers tracing absent circles on the back of Chris's neck::
montaguechaser signed off at 4:18:20 PM.