MisbegottenMoon: ::he knocked on Severus's door. Lightly, because there 
wasn't much behind him; felt light enough to break, barely able to make a 
sound on the door at all::

SurlySnake: ::he wouldn't have heard it had he not been anticipating it, in 
every sense of the word.  He put his book down, and went to open the door, intending to save the 
greetings, until the man was inside, but the creature on the other side of his door looked like he 
was about to faint. Pulling him in by the arm, he asked:: What's wrong?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he opened his mouth and closed it again, knees weak and 
eyes a bit wild -- as if they weren't focused on anything at all, really, 
turned inward again, to a darker place, deeper. He shook his head, trying to 
shake himself out of it, one hand lifting, resting heavily on Severus's 
forearm -- needed, quite desperately, the support.::

SurlySnake: What's happened?  ::It was clear to him the man wasn't ill.  He 
had, in his years on both sides of the war-that-must-not-be-name seen that look all too often.  He 
steered the man to his couch and sat with him.::

MisbegottenMoon: Sirius. ::he swallowed, fingers clenching in Severus's 
robes, eyes shutting for a moment, face drained of color, body drained 
entirely of strength. Whatever had kept him on his feet, was gone. He was 
empty.:: ...I told him-- the truth.

SurlySnake: ::His arms came around the other man very slowly.  He new his 
comfort might not be welcome in such circumstances, and he himself already felt torn between 
potential victory an abject guilt, for torturing this man:: I can't imagine he too it very well 
::his voice was a whisper, meant to soothe, and he ran his hands over the other man's hair 
repeatedly, the way one would comfort a child.::

MisbegottenMoon: No. ::he took in a deep, shuddering breath, fingers 
tightening again, clutched in the fabric of Severus's robes, face turning, 
buried half in his shoulder, half against his neck:: ...no, and...why should 
he?  ::he felt guilty breathing, living, doing this -- letting Snape give him 
comfort he didn't deserve, letting some of that tenderness soothe his numbed 
and miserable spirit. He hurt, torn open, wounded -- he'd done it to himself 
-- and the guilt he felt, he almost revelled in, a tortured, desperate sort 
of way.:: ...I...

SurlySnake: ::He took a deep breath,, maybe the deepest he ever had.  
Everythign that came next, was going to be absolutely horrible no matter what he did:: Do you want 
him back? ::he asked it as indly, and with as much neutrality as his voice could offer::

MisbegottenMoon: Do I know what I want? ::his voice, though hollow, seemed 
ready to crack, ready to break and unleash something terrible, something 
bitter and wild that wasn't human and wasn't animal -- was sheer grief:: I 
told him. I had to tell him! And I've lost him-- he's-- I can't-- without 
him, I can't-- ::he shook his head, clutching at Severus tighter:: ...but I 
don't-- deserve him. And there's...you...I... ::there had never been another 
factor before. His mind was confused. Unsure. He didn't know where to turn -- 
trapped. Caged.::

SurlySnake: ::He fought with himself then.  There was an opening for at least 
some of what he wanted, if not everything, but it seemed hollow, and foolish, and while it was one 
thing to be second best to a man in the picture, the thought of being second best to one who 
wasn't, was intolerable.  He kissed the top of Lupin's head::  I, I may be able to fix this, if 
you'll let me. ::his voice shuddered and he squeezed his eyes shut, thining maybe, maybe if he 
pulled this off, his pennance for everything might finally be done::

MisbegottenMoon: ...I spoke with a girl yesterday. Millicent-- Millicent 
Bulstrode. She asked me, what it was I'd-- what it was I felt. I... ::he'd 
gone off again -- to a place where he didn't hear and he didn't think and 
words passed his lips and he didn't quite remember them, or filter them. 
Things-- were said; words were meaningless, but he got out more, that way.:: 
...I couldn't tell her. ::the clutch on Severus loosened:: ...I'm sorry. Fix 
it...? I think-- only I can do that. ::his voice was soft, hushed.:: ...I 
don't know how. But-- Sirius is right. However much I love him-- when I was 
with you-- it obviously didn't matter. For some reason, I--... can't explain. 
::he couldn't look up. Couldn't meet his eyes. Couldn't place this burden on 
Severus's shoulders.::

SurlySnake: It seems I should need to spell it out for you.  I am not a 
well-liked man, certainly not by Sirius Black and as you know more than most, I have a certain, 
reputation, shall we say?  I, I can make this more of my fault than it already is.  He would have 
no trouble believing it... and you, would, perhaps cease to be dying of grief in my arms?  ::He 
was trying to joke, trying to loose himself in planning, but it all seemed feeble:: Now, if you 
don't mind me asking, why in heaven's name were you speaking to Bulstrode of any of this?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he shook his head, vehement, insistent, that wild 
something in his eyes still:: You can't. It isn't your fault and I-- won't 
let you-- I...no. I told him the truth. I'm a man, aren't? Half man, in any 
case... I can stand behind what I've done. I won't run from it. ::his fingers 
tightened:: ...Ms. Bulstrode seemed to want to tell me that I've ruined 
everything. House divides, life itself. ::he laughed -- it was a soft laugh, 
one that was harsh and cold and oddly broken, not quite crazy, but certainly 
bitter:: ...who knows. I was so-- righteous, then. 

SurlySnake: Not my fault? ::he chuckled darkly::  I believe I seduced you, 
more than once.  I'm not worthy of you, and as you well know, I certainly don't believe Black is 
either, but let me give you what you want, I can do, nothing else.  Not, not that would be enough 
anyway.  ::Making the offer was costing him enough, having it turned down was too bizarre for him 
to even process however::

MisbegottenMoon: ::his voice was firm; it stabilized itself somehow so that 
it would be believable, so that Severus would have some reason to listen to 
it and take it as what was going to be, not just the ravings of a man gone 
wild and mad with grief.:: ...I said, no. Seduced me? I went quite willingly, 
quite of my own accord, didn't I? Two-- adults. Consenting adults! To allow 
myself to let you perpetuate some sort of rumor about yourself isn't decent 
and it isn't kind and it's far less than you deserve from me, after all you 
have done for me!

SurlySnake: And I would not hold you responsible for it.  What else is there 
to do? I can, in my nature, see no other solution to watching you suffer, which I have seen far 
too much of these last days.  It, it would not cost me as much as you think.  Only you, after all, 
and that's always been inevitable I suppose.  It would besides be a kind rumour, compared to many.

MisbegottenMoon: ::his voice softened, cracked:: ...no. No. ::he shook his 
head -- something he could cling to, insist, have minimal control over:: 
Don't-- please-- I... ::his fingers knotted around the fabric beneath them, 
eyes squeezed shut:: ...don't. ::weariness seeped into him. He sagged against 
Severus, at that -- too weak to hate himself, too numb to feel that hate, too 
broken to argue it.::

SurlySnake: Alright ::he said, arms tightening around the other man, and 
rocing him gently::  But we will discuss this again, when you are not so fresh from the shock of 
it all, yes?  Now, would you like some tea?

MisbegottenMoon: ...I want to be held like this a little while. Please? 
::even though he didn't deserve it -- he'd hate himself for taking it, for 
asking for it -- for being such a fool with everything, taking what he wanted 
and regretting it later, half-regretting it. It was selfish -- human nature 
that ran rampant, he found, when he was with Severus::

SurlySnake: of course.  Did you think I could say no?

MisbegottenMoon: ...I suppose not. I suppose I wouldn't have asked if I 
thought...you would...

SurlySnake: Mmmmmm.
So, to change the subject only slightly, do I need to have a word with Bulstrode to at least keep 
this situation somewhat between us?

MisbegottenMoon: ...it's all right. I believe she was just lashing out, I ... 
seemed to ... calm her out of it, I believe. ::he sighed, mind distracted for 
a moment -- a displacement reaction, but one he desperately needed.::

SurlySnake: Calming her has rarely been effective for long.  Which is why my 
demeanor might have a more significant, longterm effect.  My concern, not to burden you further, 
is that Sirius' temper is really only the first ripple of what happens next.

MisbegottenMoon: ::...and it was the only one that mattered to him. The name 
made him feel ill, made bile rise to his throat, hate for himself, despair 
for the situation. Nothing he could do to fix it. He deserved -- nothing, 
now, but this was...what he had left. Severus still oddly willing to be 
there. It was comfort, solace, that he took but should not be taking:: ...it 
was...I believe...a conversation that involved some trust in me, on her 
part... ::managed to keep himself focused on the issue at hand, though his 
mind was scattered.::

SurlySnake: ::he held the man tighter, putting effort into soothing him 
again.  He shouldn't have named names, not yet, although he also knew the sooner the initial shock 
got purged from his system, the sooner this could all be gotten over with::  Mmmm, still.  There's 
Potter, and dare I say it, Lucius' reactions to consider.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he leaned in against him, sighing deeply, relaxed -- not 
quite relaxed, but seeped of all strength, boneless against Severus's chest, 
in his arms:: ...Merlin. Harry. I... ::he winced, closed his eyes tight, 
trying to ward off:: ...and things had been -- all right with us, again, I... 
::he deserved it. A mantra, to remember. Every second of pain -- he deserved 
it all.::

SurlySnake: Which is another reason to consider my previous suggestion, 
although it may also be what keeps Black from acting out, and is, I might add, something that he 
should be reminded of. 

MisbegottenMoon: ...he pushed me out his door. ::again, a tensing of muscles 
that were operating on some hidden, unknown resource, only echoing Remus's 
emotional distress, muted; he needed an outlet, couldn't find one more 
appropriate, had only this:: ...he doesn't...I can't remind him of anything. 
Pushed me out of his door...was right to do so, but I...can't go to him for 
any favors. Not for my sake...not even for Harry's.

SurlySnake: ::he bit bac on going into exactly what he thought of Black whome 
he was sure couldn't possibly have been faithful all this time::  Not you, not now, just, someone.  
Maybe Albus, even?

MisbegottenMoon: ...perhaps. ::sighs softly:: ...I 
can't...think...Dumbledore, perhaps... ::that was something new, something... 
strange, but knew; always, he had his thoughts, a schedule, something to work 
with. Not now. It was just -- numb. Beneath that -- a chaos of emotion he was 
terrified of.::

SurlySnake: Alright.  Now is there anything I can do?  Other than this?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he shook his head, steadily, purposefully -- he had to 
think, for a bit, to have such purpose, but he needed it. Something to busy 
himself with:: ...in a moment...tea, perhaps...

SurlySnake: I can make the house elves fetch it, if you do not wish for me to 
let go?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he shrugged lightly, in the circle of Severus's arms -- 
but it was meaningless, as it didn't seem he'd be letting him go, any time 
soon::

SurlySnake: ::The man was charming, for everything, and he hated it admit it, 
it felt nice to be needed, at least for something other than nearly getting himself illed, not 
that this wouldn't eventually lead to the same conclusion -- it always did::  I know you're not 
going to let me give you anything for all this, but at least tae it peppermint?  It will soothe 
you.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he sighed softly, shoulders slumping:: ...all right. 
Peppermint? All right. ::it was selfish of him, he knew, incredibly selfish 
and would only end up hurting more people, in the end. But the truth was -- 
the truth was, he needed Sirius, had always needed Sirius, for a wolf could 
not live alone, a wolf died alone, if not from the elements, then from sheer 
loneliness. The truth was, in the human parts of him, selfish and 
self-serving as all human instinct was, he wanted Severus; like this, or any 
way, frankly, where he could hold him, or be held by him. He shivered 
faintly, skin convulsing down his spine, a spasm of self-revulsion::

SurlySnake: I know.  I don't much care for it either.  But even Muggles use 
it and it would go a long way towards convincing me you're willing to survive this. ::He had the 
tea sent then, and eased Lupin up so he was sitting more properly, but made sure never to take 
more than one arm from him at a time::

MisbegottenMoon: ::he shrugged again:: ...it isn't...that I mind it... ::and 
shook his head slightly, lifting a hand and pushing his own hair back from 
his eyes, absent, mechanical, a motion that may or may not have been needed 
but it was just something to keep his hands busy. His palms hurt, slightly, 
but he'd forgotten why and in some part of him he welcomed the pain because, 
again, it was a distraction. The arm that remained firmly around him was a 
blessing, one he craved and needed, truly needed, suddenly.:: ...thank you...

SurlySnake: ::he snorted and doubted the man would be thanking him when he 
finally came to his senses about all this, but was content to let it go for now.::

MisbegottenMoon: ::if he could just -- drink his tea now, he told himself, 
just manage to drink it without dropping the cup, then maybe it could clear 
his mind, and he could-- could think. One hand clenched tighter in Severus's 
sleep, steadying himself against some dizziness::

SurlySnake: ::he resisted the urge to hold the teacup for the other man, but 
that didn't mean he wasn't poised to do so.  Taking the hand that clutched his robs, he noticed 
the wells of dried blood clearly made my the namn's own nail mars.::  You are going to let me heal 
this ::It wasn't a question. Hand wounds infected easily, and he had to be fastidious enough with 
his own, he had no intent of letting anyone else, especially this man, slide by in such matters::

MisbegottenMoon: ::he lifted the teacup to his lips -- the tea smelled nice, 
so he could just smell it for a moment, let it fill his senses, take them 
over -- before he took a light sip, swallowed it thickly, and resisted the 
urge to throw it up immediately as his stomach revolted against it, clenched 
painfully:: ...heal--....oh. ::his eyes closed for a moment, fingers curling 
up for a moment, then spreading:: ...if you...if you must....? ::he sighed 
softly, looking away, eyes with a chased, half-panicked look to them::

SurlySnake: ::He too a dep breath, the profoundly uncomfortable subjects in 
this whole situation just seemed to keep multiplying::  Hands infect too easily for me to be 
comfortable leaving it. ::he paused then, at length, and watched the man struggle with the tea::  
I understand the impulse, believe me ::he said tracing the edges of the wounds:: and I will not 
fight with you about it, as long as you do not put yourself at risk. ::he gave him the slightly 
inquisitive look he generally reserved for students, as if to say, ;just try to disagree with 
me':: 

MisbegottenMoon: ...I hadn't...known I even... ::he blinked over to his 
hands, seeming to notice the blood there for the first time, and registered 
it -- making the connection that, oh, this was why his palms ached, why they 
had stung for a while and then faded to a dull, persistant ache that tinged 
the back of his mind. He winced, brow furrowing slightly, trying to recall 
when it was he'd done this, how long -- for the blood had dried, it had to 
have been a while ago, at least -- ago he'd done this:: ...I'm not going to 
argue with you. ::again, a hollow, rueful smile on his lips -- because he 
seemed to have no control over his expressions -- that melted away almost 
immediately, weak and feeble:: You can...do what you like, with it, I...

SurlySnake: ::He made a noncommittal noise in response, too out his wand and 
set to it, erasing at least some evidence of the drama they had all come to.  He kissed the palm 
when he was done.::  I wish you'd let me do more. 

MisbegottenMoon: ...you've done everything I could ask of you, and more than 
I thought...possible, for me...to accept... ::his eyes flickered about 
nervously, fingers clutching tightly at the teacup, heart leaping at the kiss 
to his palm, that something constricting tightly over it, felt barely through 
the panic of emotions::

SurlySnake: I've always thought that relucatance to accept kindnesses was 
something you needed to change.  I'm sorry, that not it seems you'll have no choice, at least, for 
a while.  Give me your other hand.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he managed to set the teacup down, only half empty, and 
held out his other hand -- feeling pathetically childish, impossibly young, a 
youth he couldn't bear and didn't want to recognize, one that made him feel 
weak, and abandoned, and lost. He said nothing.::

SurlySnake: ::He set about healing the other hand, which was slightly worse 
off, and pressed the same iss into it when it was done, before taking both the man's hands in 
his.:: I want you to let me fix this.  And I want you to understand why I say that. 

MisbegottenMoon: ...no. ::his voice was weak, but insistant -- there was 
something stronger, in that soft tone, than even a shout could convey, 
something trembling and unsure, but firm. Not a plea, but a statement:: Maybe 
I don't...understand, but I...can't let you.

SurlySnake: ::He had to stop himself from yellin.  He hated to have to spell 
things out, hated not to be around his own ind in that regard, especially wheni t came to his 
emotions::  I try, I try very hard, not to torture man or beast... anymore.  And you are tortured, 
Remus, in part, due to me.  I am, not a good man nor a handsome one and I doubt there is more my 
affections, which run deeper for you than perhaps either of us would wish, can do for you, than to 
right this.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he shook his head faintly, closed his eyes, tried to 
process this -- tried to understand, in a way that would have previously been 
easy for him to but now was so much harder, for all that his mind was a 
turmoil, an echoing of his emotions. Nothing worked right, now, not his 
senses, not his comprehension. Nothing. His hands tightened on Severus's own, 
held them, tight, and he worried at his lower lip with his teeth, biting down 
to steady himself.:: ...this is something that I-- that I must right. I 
cannot go back to him-- a lie-- I cannot-- I told him, because I could not 
lie to him. I could not live with myself, much less with him, if I shrugged 
off the blame onto you because I would always know the truth, feel the 
truth... That I wanted it, just as much as you did, just as much as I wanted 
you and still do in a way I-- can't explain to myself. Couldn't explain...to 
him...and I... ::he faltered, trailed off, clinging to Severus's hands like a 
drowning man would to that which was the only thing keeping him afloat::

SurlySnake: ::he grabbed the man back into an embrace again, he looked lie he 
needed it, and, if he didn't look at that face, perhaps he could stop himself from further 
confession:: All right then, all right.  But if you change your mind just tell me.  Please.  ::And 
suddenly it was him who was holding on for dear life because now there was this terribly terribly 
faint possibility that he might just win this thing.::

MisbegottenMoon: ::he stilled, and then closed his eyes, leaning in against 
him gratefully, fingers coming up at the back of Severus's robes, pulling him 
in with what little strength he had left. It was something that he needed, 
now, needed in a way that he would not have, had all of this not happened, 
needed to be held and needed the arms and needed the scent. Before, it had 
been some sort of desire -- strange and unnamed and confused, but desire 
nonetheless, both physical and mental -- and now, it was desire and something 
else. That need. That he would collapse, blow away, shatter into a thousand 
pieces to be scattered on the wind, if he didn't have Severus's arms around 
his body. He bit his lower lip, hard enough to draw blood, and buried his 
face against Severus's shoulder, a muffled sound trapped in his throat. The 
fact that he was hurting this man, as well, after all he had done for him, in 
light of all he had become to him, ached -- he didn't want to, but it seemed 
that he was incapable of doing anything else but that. Hurting the people he 
cared for. Hurting the people he loved. The sound he made was half howl, have 
sob, dry and tearless and soft, muted against the fabric of Severus's robes, 
and his skin.::

SurlySnake: ::All he could do was hold him and make soothing noises, 
generally feeling at a loss and out of his depth.  He was used neither to comforting people, nor 
of having people to comfort, especially when so much of the fault was his own.  He thought Remus 
should rest, but worried that such a suggestion would seem either an attempt to chase the man out 
of his rooms, which is wasn't, or an attempt at seduction, which, while tempting, was too absurd, 
and certainly, too crass::

MisbegottenMoon: ::He calmed after a while, muscles relaxing, eyes shutting 
of their own accord -- a relaxation, again, soothed as much as he could be, 
under the circumstances, and deeply grateful. How to show such gratitude? But 
not falling to pieces in the arms of the man who was helping you, caring for 
you, when you both knew -- when you felt you both knew -- that you obviously 
didn't deserve such kindness, such tenderness.:: ...I...I'm sorry... ::he 
took a deep breath in:: ...I'll try to...calm...down, a bit... ::it was 
unsure what he would do, alone. Go mad. Have no one there for him. He didn't 
know, himself, but he didn't want his very existence to be a threat.::

SurlySnake: Nothing to apologize for, although calming would no doubt help us 
both.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he nodded, drawing in a deep breath, letting it out 
slowly. Calmly.:: ...all right.

SurlySnake: You are strong enough for all this you know, i fyou're willing to 
fight, in some way or another.

MisbegottenMoon: ...I'm strong enough, when I have something to fight with. 
...to fight...against, even. ::but when he had no conviction...::

SurlySnake: You left out a preposition, Remus.  There's for, something to 
fight for. Whether that's yourself, or, or your lost relationship, or some semblance of civility 
from Black, or, gods forbid, me.  ::he snorted then, bitterly - too much of a Slytherin not to 
angle for his own benefit, but knowing it was as tasteless as it was unliely.  It was merely a 
matter of time before Remus decided he had anted things to turn out this way::  My point really 
being, that I spent seven years of my life with your boyfriend tryin to kill me, and aside for the 
obvious fact that he's certainly going to try again, Sirius Black is not a man who let's go of 
things, and as such, you'll probably have an opportunity to argue your case, such as it is, more 
than ocne again.  If you're paying attention.

MisbegottenMoon: ...going to him would only hurt him further and that's the 
last thing I need. Time-- time heals a good many things, and destroys a good 
many others, but it will do nothing for this, because it will always-- be 
there. Between us. This knowledge. ::in a time of pain and impurity, it had 
been the one thing pure, the one thing strong enough, to have faith in, to 
wait for. And then-- this. And the dawning realization in Severus's arms that 
he would not have jeapordized it so for no reason at all.:: ...if you would 
kindly stop referring to him as my boyfriend -- as it's quite clear by now, 
I'm sure, that he is by no means so any longer...? ::he licked his lips, 
which were dry again, chapped, the skin near to breaking from his own teeth 
and that incessant, nervous wetting of the cuts:: ...there's always something 
to fight for. ::he said it quietly.:: See to it I don't hurt anyone else, 
that way. See to it I don't hurt you that way.

SurlySnake: To be frank ::and he ran his thumb across Remus' lower lip as he 
said it:: I would be surprised if things did not sort themselves out between you and he 
eventually.  And you have made me no promises, as such, any hurt, is most assuredly, my own.

MisbegottenMoon: Oh. ::he murmured the resignation softly, wearily, eyes 
falling shut for a moment at that touch to his lips, blessed, undeserved, but 
thoroughly blessed nonetheless, a gift, indeed:: ...I can make no promises, 
it seems, as all I have made previously...have held no lasting strength. ::he 
paused, then went on.:: But Sirius is stubborn, and easily hurt, and even if 
he does, in time, forgive me, I know that I can in no way forgive myself, for 
I remember too much, and feel my own shortcomings far too deeply. ::he 
touched the side of Severus's cheek, lightly, fingertips brushing over his 
cheekbone, a hesitant touch, all affection, and nothing about it remotely 
sexual. That was the only sort of promise he could give -- and Severus could 
take what, exactly, was being promised, as he chose::

SurlySnake: ::He leaned into the touch and smiled faintly at it, every such gesture from Remus 
always seeming like a slightly longer lease on something that would probably eventually kill him:: 
Considering your life, I think it is perhaps foolish to find that you hate yourself merely for 
being human.  Perhaps, you should at least be willing to consider that time may find you surprised 
with yourself.

MisbegottenMoon: Ah. ::his eyes clouded slightly, sparkling behind the 
shadows in a way that wasn't a smile, that was far from happiness; the lines 
at the corners of his eyes crinkled faintly, as if he were about to smile but 
suddenly got cut short, seeing something that froze his face into a grimace 
halfway there; still, his features were expressionless -- the shadows behind 
the features were what created such a play of unreadable emotions over his 
face:: I hate myself for not being human, after all. But there is always 
that...potential...for surprising myself. ::he blinked, and looked down:: 
I've done it...quite often, lately.

SurlySnake: I am so sorry for my role in all this.  But please have the sense 
to consider that you are absolutely not worthy of the vitriol you are currently directing at 
yourself.  And while I and my affections may be quite a feeble endorsement of you so you really 
think all the people in your life, who have been at times absurdly fond of you are foolish, or 
stupid.  And don't apologize!  Just consider, that you might be quite a man, to cause such a stir.

MisbegottenMoon: ...your role in all this? ...you hardly need apologize, 
either, as it seems I might go quite mad without you. At most, I might be 
dead, were it not for you; at least, I-- would be quite at a loss what to do 
with myself. I would be quite-- quite lonely, I believe. ::he relaxed again, 
hand dropping to rest lightly against Severus's chest, beneath his collar 
bone. He was the sort of weary that made you want to hide in your bed, 
beneath the covers -- then doomed you to a sleepless, restless night. His 
logic was therefore quite flawed -- but the conviction behind it was strong. 
Something to fight for. All right.::

SurlySnake: I am glad then, that if nothing else, it seems I can provide some 
solace.

MisbegottenMoon: ...more than is my right to ask for, certainly.

SurlySnake: Don't you see, that it is that I wish for you to ask anything of 
me?  ::he stopped himself from saying everything::

MisbegottenMoon: ...I can't ask anything of anyone. ::humorless humor seeped 
into his voice, and he bit it back::...that I allow myself to ask this of 
you...means veyr much, indeed. ::voice soft, very low::

SurlySnake: ::he kissed the other man on the forehead:: I know, and it is 
appreciated. But if you need to be left alone, you need to tell me, and if you wish my presence, 
you must tell me.  I do not know how to do these things.  ANd I will give you what I can, within 
the admittedly difficult framework of my life, because I know I am priviledged to be graced with 
you.  ::He laughed bitterly then:: Not that I had the slightest bit of a clue for far too long, 
although that is perhaps for the best, and things should have perhaps remained that way.

MisbegottenMoon: ...I'm afraid I've never been...quite good at these things, 
either. And I won't be, for a while, because of...everything that seems to 
have...happened. ...if I need you, though, it seems I have, lately, no 
hesitation at all to ask anything of you, and...so...perhaps, with this 
newfound ease, I...I shall...be able to learn such things. With greater ease, 
and rapidity. I hope, in any case. ::he leaned up into the kiss, eyes 
shutting again, face wan, pale, and drawn, but he was calm, now. A numbness 
had settled over him and he would be able to deal with the pain -- slowly. It 
would be easier, that way, and easier...with this, to soothe him.::

SurlySnake: Considering that patience is one of the few virtues I have 
reaminaing to me, you needn't worry.

MisbegottenMoon: ...and sheer animal stubbornness is mine, so some progress 
might potentially be made. ::softens a little, still keeping himself quite 
close, arms slipping slowly around his neck, fingers untangling from the 
fabric::

SurlySnake: ::he quirked an eyebrow, surprised and pleased senseless at the 
change in body language, knowing it was likely to change back again just as quickly.  He ran a 
hand through the other man's hair:: I'm so glad.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he leaned into the touch just slightly, relaxing as would 
a domestic animal to the gentlest of petting, softening against it. His body 
language was still resigned -- yet more open, more receptive, however much 
more giving he was able to be:: ...one thing I've done right, perhaps.

SurlySnake: More than one.  At least for me.  ::And he kissed him chastely 
then, because how could he not, even knowing anything more would have to be
unwelcome::

MisbegottenMoon: ::he returned the kiss, equally chastely, affectionate; the 
motion for affection's sake, and not much more behind it besides that:: 
...that... ::he licked his lips, sighing deeply:: ...that is a comfort. At 
least, for me.

SurlySnake: ::Unsure whether he was speaking of the kiss or the comment, he 
just smiled and nodded, thinking, feeling as if he always had to be solving this puzzle for the 
both of them::  If, if you don't wish to be alone, tonight, you are welcome to either my bed, or 
my couch.  ::he hoped that didn't sound odd, but he was trying to look decorous about the whole
mess::

MisbegottenMoon: ::it was what he gave of himself, always in a puzzle; it was 
what he was, and would continue to be, always a puzzle; whether he knew it or 
not, whether his words were worked out clearly in his own mind and he thought 
that was enough, it was unclear, as most things about him were. But there 
were some things that could be easily understood; that if he was this close, 
he trusted, that if he held you, and spoke softly, he cared, that if he 
touched softly, kissed softly, smiled softly, it was something deeper, 
something never before seen and never before given. He felt things. Deeply. 
Always deeply.:: ...thank you, again. I may-- I may take you up on that offer.

SurlySnake: As you wish.  I assure you it is for your benefit, even if I find 
some enjoyment in it.

MisbegottenMoon: ::he smiled, slightly, against the crook of the other's 
neck, shoulders rising and falling lightly:: I am. Quite grateful.

SurlySnake: Don't be so surprised.  ::he chuckled slightly::

MisbegottenMoon: ...I must admit, I am. Pleasantly so, however. ::he sighed, 
softly. He was -- was not forgetting. But he was able to-- concentrate on 
something else.::

SurlySnake: Well, at least have the decency to be surprised because of my 
reputation, as opposed to your worthyness.

MisbegottenMoon: ...a compromise. ::his tone grew almost amused -- a sort of 
mock-emotion, thinking it should be something, unable to truly be it, but 
trying, at least:: ...a bit of both, I should think.

SurlySnake: A good enough starting place I suppose.

MisbegottenMoon: I told you, I'm quite stubborn. ::he softened:: I'm trying.

SurlySnake: I know, I know you are ::and he moved his hands soothingly over 
the other's back::

MisbegottenMoon: ::again, he leaned, ever sensitive for ever a thousand 
reasons, into the touch, eyes fluttering shut::

SurlySnake: Why don't you try to rest, you've probably exhausted yourself 
over all this?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he hesitated, then nodded, pulling back slowly, carefully, 
every movement deeply thought out. He didn't trust where his mind would 
wander -- but it would be best to to try.:: ...all right. ...I think...that 
might be best.

SurlySnake: I didn't mean you should move, although you'll probably wake up 
more comfortable if you use something other than myself as a pillow. 

MisbegottenMoon: ...perhaps. ::he kept his hands, though, on the back of 
Snape's neck, fingers interlaced against it:: ...though, if you wouldn't 
mind, I'd prefer not to move. At least, too much. ::Ask anything of me. He 
was trying...::

SurlySnake: As you wish ::he reached back and unlaced the fingers from his 
neck, and then reclined on the couch, pulling the other man to rest partially on top of him.::  All right?

MisbegottenMoon: ::he resisted the urge to to curl up into a tiny ball, 
merely nestling up against him, feeling and therefore seemingsmaller than 
usual, hands resting on the collar of Severus's robes:: ...yes. Quite more 
than. Thank you.